oh, the mind of a writer..

Well, another year has come and passed. So many good memories from this room; from C’s room that are being physically left behind, but not emotionally. They will always remain in my thoughts and heart. It’s one of those bitter sweet emotions that is creeping up on me while I stare at my empty room with all the boxes and bare walls, listening to Johnny Winter (two steps from the blues); various songs of Bessie Smith playing in the back ground as I packed. 

This year could easily be summed up as one of the best years I have ever experienced: though there has been spiritual ups and downs, and a recent over-load of school work (which is blissfully done), everything else about this year has been amazing. 

I have made so many new friends, and have finally been able to feel at home at school and in my own skin. I have finally learnt how to look in the mirror and like what I see; reflect upon my personality and love myself for who I am and what I can do. 

I have found my place in the world it seems. I have found the love of my life this year, a man who can make me smile effortlessly, no matter the mood I am in; he’s able to pick me up when I fall, and keep me completely interested. He has my whole heart, which has never happened before- he accepts me for who I am, and knows every aspect of my personality; good and bad, and somehow still loves me completely. 

I have found a faithful friend; someone who I could easily call my best friend and who I would do anything for. 

But yet, there are tears running down my eyes- perhaps a mixture of happiness and sadness. I look at this room, and think of all the good times; happy times I’ve had here. Exam time in December when me, G and C all chilled on my bed and ‘worked’ on our school work; the first time C slept over, mine and G’s ’music videos… and so much more.

I can remember when I first moved in here; painting this room yellow with my mom, discussing E, school and friends… I remember my expectations for this year, and how it turned out to be so much better then I could have ever imagined. I would have never thought this was going to be the year it has been, and I’m grateful.

But I always feel a little sad when moving out of a place, but this time seems to be a little sadder. Perhaps part of the cause is knowing that C has gone home for the summer, is no longer in this town. Perhaps its that I’ll never chill with him and his roommates and our friends in his room anymore, won’t hear the familiar tapping on his fridge while lying in bed in that room. 

Or maybe it’s that I already miss him, even though he dropped me off about 4 hours ago, knowing that I wont see him tomorrow or the next day.

I don’t know what it is; probably a combination of all these things and more.

Whatever the case, I know that next year will be just as good if not better then this year was; I’m hopeful, happy, sad; this is truly a bitter sweet moment, and I’m happy to move on; to experience more happy memories and good times.

Now to continue packing so I’ll be ready tomorrow.

-good night.